In the year 2000, 23 year old Todd found himself working at Sears Homelife selling furniture, mattresses, and accessories. It was an ok job, but could get pretty slow and monotonous during the week. Salesmen such as myself lived for the weekends! That's when we get the most traffic. Being that the store was HUGE, It wasn't rare to have a couple hundred people at one time in the store on a busy Saturday.
One such Saturday, while working in the mattress department, an absolutely gorgeous Filipina lady walks in looking like she just walked out of a fitness magazine. You can feel the tension as she walked by married couples en route to my section. Husbands were getting dirty looks from their wives while trying not to stare. She was wearing only a sports bra and tights (now known as leggings in 2017). She looked like a fitness model or something. Big ol' implants, abs, ass, quads... t'was crazy!
Being the professional I am, I wasn't fazed. Although I'm sure I mumbled "GOT DAMN!" under my breath as I approached her.
ME: "Hi welcome to Homelife, my name is Todd. Looking for a mattress today?"
HER: "Hi Dodd. Yes I am. I'm all alone and hab no boyfriend."
Then shit gets weird. I shit you not... she proceeded to lay on the bed and began to gyrate. She asks me to lay down with her. I'm like "Lady, were in public. There's a family with kids right over there." I point over to the family looking at us as they quickly usher their kids over to the bunk beds.
She then sits up on the bed Indian style and asks if I have a girlfriend. I thought I was on a freaking hidden camera show! I extinguish the fire in her loins and proceed to sell her not only the mattress, but some kitchen furniture and candle holders.
I don't know what the fuck she drank for her pre-workout, but I'm sure Bill Cosby would pay millions for the formula.
Anyway, on to the review! I can't stop thinking of that punk ass movie of the same title from the 90's with Jessica Tandy as I'm eating these. Upon first bite, I taste a tangy spicy "green" flavor that I can't quite figure out. Almost like jalapeño without the heat. I guess the tang I taste is supposed to be the sauce on the fried tomatoes shown on the bag. These have a deeper, more complicated flavor profile than I imagined. I can taste the green tomato flavor while the flavor and texture of the potato lends itself to providing a fried cornmeal flavor. Maybe its psychosomatic, but they taste exactly how the picture on the bag looks. Really good! 4 outta 5 on the chip mack scale.
One such Saturday, while working in the mattress department, an absolutely gorgeous Filipina lady walks in looking like she just walked out of a fitness magazine. You can feel the tension as she walked by married couples en route to my section. Husbands were getting dirty looks from their wives while trying not to stare. She was wearing only a sports bra and tights (now known as leggings in 2017). She looked like a fitness model or something. Big ol' implants, abs, ass, quads... t'was crazy!
Being the professional I am, I wasn't fazed. Although I'm sure I mumbled "GOT DAMN!" under my breath as I approached her.
ME: "Hi welcome to Homelife, my name is Todd. Looking for a mattress today?"
HER: "Hi Dodd. Yes I am. I'm all alone and hab no boyfriend."
Then shit gets weird. I shit you not... she proceeded to lay on the bed and began to gyrate. She asks me to lay down with her. I'm like "Lady, were in public. There's a family with kids right over there." I point over to the family looking at us as they quickly usher their kids over to the bunk beds.
She then sits up on the bed Indian style and asks if I have a girlfriend. I thought I was on a freaking hidden camera show! I extinguish the fire in her loins and proceed to sell her not only the mattress, but some kitchen furniture and candle holders.
I don't know what the fuck she drank for her pre-workout, but I'm sure Bill Cosby would pay millions for the formula.
Anyway, on to the review! I can't stop thinking of that punk ass movie of the same title from the 90's with Jessica Tandy as I'm eating these. Upon first bite, I taste a tangy spicy "green" flavor that I can't quite figure out. Almost like jalapeño without the heat. I guess the tang I taste is supposed to be the sauce on the fried tomatoes shown on the bag. These have a deeper, more complicated flavor profile than I imagined. I can taste the green tomato flavor while the flavor and texture of the potato lends itself to providing a fried cornmeal flavor. Maybe its psychosomatic, but they taste exactly how the picture on the bag looks. Really good! 4 outta 5 on the chip mack scale.
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