As y'all know by now, I grew up a huge fan of all things martial arts. I was blessed to have a little sister and younger cousins on which to hone my deadly skills. I had unwilling and not usually cooperative sparring partners anytime I felt like it. Like I said, blessings.

One hot summer day, while in the supermarket shopping for a family bbq, 10 year old Todd and his little "brother" cousin Ryan ventured off to the magazine rack. Skimming across my usual grocery store favorite reads of Pro Wrestling Illustrated and Muscle and Fitness, I see Kung Fu magazine with the headline "Learn the Dim Mak!"  I knew what the Dim Mak was from countless movies and claims from martial arts masters that you could end the life of your opponent with one touch. I had to learn this invincible technique!  Since young Ryan was conveniently next to me, I looked at the accompanying anatomy chart explaining in detail what points to touch to make my opponent immediately succumb in quiet agony.  I used my tiger claw to gently strike under Ryan's armpit, then another spot above his shoulder blade. With each gentle tap I asked Ryan "you feel that...you feel weird?" Ryan was patient and unquestioning in his participation. Of course I didn't explain my intentions. Had he known the result of the technique, I'm sure he wouldn't have been so happy to let me practice on him.

The time came to leave the store and on the ride home, the horror began to set in my belly. What have I done?! The entire ride home and the remainder of the day I nervously watched Ryan, looking for any sign of convulsion or his imminent demise. How would I explain this to my Aunt and Uncle? I screwed up big time! This was 1988...Google or the internet hadn't been invented yet. Hell, we didn't even have a computer! If it were, I would have feverishly Googled "Dim Mak Undo" or something similar. That was the scariest, worst bbq of my life. I didn't tell anyone then, nor have I ever uttered this story to anyone since. Luckily, Ryan survived the night and we went on to have numerous adventures together as teens and adults. Some of which will be shared in future posts, others I'll save for drunken family get togethers.

My very alive and healthy cousin Ryan got these for me on his last trip to the Motherland...New Orleans. Upon first bite, I get an excellently textured kettle type chip with a generous amount of seasoning and spices. So much spice that it's too overwhelming to immediately seperate all of the flavors. As I continue eating the chips, I can taste all of the spices familiar to me from all of the crawfish boils my family had growing up. I can taste hints of cayenne pepper, paprika,  smoky overtones, with brown sugary sweet undertones. Maybe its a bit psychosomatic, but I swear I even taste hints of crawfish. These are a bit salty, but in a good way. Especially if paired with your favorite ice cold beer of your choice. 4 outta 5 on the chip mack scale.

There is a dark side in the world of comedy that you never hear about. Well, I'm gonna shed some light on it. I'm talmbout comedy beef.

Most comedians will never tell you, but I'd guess 90% of comedians have that one arch nemesis comedian that they don't like. Rivalries often start because of jealousy, comedy politics (more on that later), or one party thought a joke was stolen. I've seen and heard about actual hands being laid upon other comedians for these very reasons.

I'm gonna tell you about mine.

When I started doing comedy back in 2009, I called so many places looking for stage time. Getting actual stage time is one of the hardest things to do as a comedian. Especially when you're new and live outside of LA. I was referred by a fellow comedian to call a dude by the name of "Tennessee Tony" that booked a show at a club in LA. After asking how I could get some time on his show, he informed me that it was a basic "bringer" show. Meaning if I could bring 5 people I'd get 5 minutes onstage. If I brought more people, I'd get more time. I told Tennessee that I lived about an hour away and it would be too hard for me to bring that many people out on a Monday night. He understood but still invited me to at least come check out the show. Cool guy!

As luck would have it, I ran into Tennessee at an open mic a few days later. When he got onstage people started leaving. I'd find out why later. He did a 40 minute set primarily riffing off the top of his head about how since he's been out in California, he's been disappointed by so many of his idols he met in person. Most of his disappointment came from the fact that a lot of Black entertainers don't help each other out once they're in a position to do so. He went on and on saying if he ever made it he'd give brothers a chance. I was so impressed with his rant that I went up to him to give the obligatory "nice set." I introduced myself by saying I was the comic that just spoke to him on the phone a few days ago. He laughed and said he understood how hard it is to do comedy outside of LA and that if I wanted, I could come down next week to do 5 minutes. I thanked him and he shot me a Hollywood wink and pound saying "I got you."

I was only doing comedy a few months at the time, so I was excited to perform at an actual club! I was so excited I wrote an entirely new 5 minute set. Most comedians will tell you 5 minutes don't come easy and they don't. It can sometime take months to hone 5 minutes. I busted my ass all week writing that 5 minute set.

When the next Monday finally rolled around I was more than ready. I took one of my good friends with me and we headed off in Monday traffic to the club. As I got inside, I waited to catch Tennessee Tony alone to thank him again for the 5 minute set. When I did, this dude flashed on me on some Ike Turner type shit! "FIVE MINUTES?! Nigga fuck that, you gettin' THREE!" Then turned his back and walked off.

Ho...ly....shit! I immediately started sweating. My heart began to race. Was this dude really trying to play me backstage in front of other comedians? I almost grabbed that fool by his neck,  but I didn't. It happened so fast I was in shock. Then I realized I was the second comedian up and now had to quickly try and edit my 5 minute set down to 3. A set I worked so hard on all week. I had no time to choke this fruitcake out. Stage time was more important.

The show started. Luckily, the host Tennessee Tony lived up to his reputation of being a buster by doing 30 minutes to open the show and another 10 minutes of material in between each comedian. I'm not exaggerating! By the time I actually got up my head was still spinning that I let another grown man speak to me like that. My 3 minutes came and went. I respected the light and got off right on time. I could've ran the light, but unlike Tennessee I actually thought about the other comedians on the line up that  brought people out on a Monday night to see them perform.

The show ended and me and my homie went to the Roscoe's down the street. Atfer we finished eating and laughing what about happened, I spotted Tennessee sitting in a booth with a few other comics. I went over to bury the hatchet. As I stood over him I thanked him for the 3 minutes and asked about the misunderstanding. Without looking at me he stated "yeah, whateva, nigga" and took a bite of his food. All without ever even looking in my direction. That cemented it. This fruitcake proved himself to be exactly that. A fruitcake.

To this day he is the only person, comedian or not, that I honestly do not like.

On to the review! I've been seeing people posting about these Doritos Roulette chips the past few weeks. I finally got to try them! upon first bite I was kinda concerned wondering how hot they would be. First bite, regular Dorito flavor. Nothing special. So then, as I usually eat chips, I grabbed a few fingers full and shoved them into my mouth. Gradually the heat began to build up, but nothing crazy. I'd say they're just about the same level as flaming hot cheetos, but the heat doesn't linger as long. The hotter chips have an almost Tabasco flavored undernote.

Not bad, but nothing special. 3.5 outta 5 on the chip mack scale.