Man, when I was a kid "C.H.i.P.S" was my favorite show!  I used to love watching Ponch and John bust arsonist biker gang kidnapping rings on their motorcycles by day then take random hot 70's chicks out for a night of roller disco.  This happened damn near every episode.  It screwed my young mind up because I thought when I became an adult, my days too would be filled fighting crime and nightly disco parties with Gary Coleman and Jane Kennedy.  I pictured adult Todd waking up every morning eating a healthy breakfast of eggs, toast, orange juice, and coffee (because that's what everybody ate for breakfast on tv) made by my wife Irene Cara.  After breakfast, I'd hop in whatever sports car I felt like (Knight Rider, probably) to go fight crime.  Not just fight crime, but really get into some shit.  Jumping out of helicopters to save a family that went over a ledge, get in a shootout with flamethrower-toting thugs that planned on tainting the city's water supply, or get into a full-fledged fist fight at the roller disco.  I never imagined adult Todd would wake up to an action-packed morning of property profiles, emails, and disclosures that need to be DocuSigned.  

Don't get me wrong.  I'm blessed!  I'm healthy, happy, and am always honored to be a part of people making their dream come true through ownership of property. I enjoy selling houses, but there's still a huge part of me that yearns for that daily adventure I dreamed of as a kid.  Adventure to break up the daily monotony of sitting in front of a computer screen by myself all day.  Maybe I'll hang glide to my next home inspection or get into a laser fight with a home appraiser that doesn't give me that value I need. I don't know.  I'll figure something out.

On to the review!  These are not what I expected at all.  Most lime chips are acidic. Vinegary. Tart. The lime flavor on these chips have an artificial almost "cartoony" taste.  It totally works on these chips!  I'm not usually a fan of lime chips unless they are balanced with chile. The spicyiness cuts the tartness.  With these chips, you get all of the lime flavor without the sour tartness.  The salt makes it so that the artificial lime flavor isn't too sweet.  Surprisingly, these are really good.

3.5 outta 5 on the Chip Mack scale.

Don't ever ask for dating advice.  Especially when you're currently in a relationship.  Especially when you're currently in a relationship and you've been drinking heavily.  Especially when you're currently in a relationship and you've been drinking heavily...at the Puerto Rican Festival.

I'm not Puerto Rican although I get mistaken for one from time to time.  Puerto Ricans and Creoles are very similar.  From our close-knit extended families, to our unique ethnic mixes, to our pride for our culture.  Needless to say, attending the Puerto Rican Festival every summer was always a great time!

My ex-girlfriend and I decided to meet her family at the Puerto Rican Festival in San Dimas.  Sounds of merengue music filled the air, the smell of tostones frying filled our nostrils, and beer flowed freely.  Too freely, as my girlfriend at the time was a lightweight, and wasn't the most jovial of drunks.

As all of us were sitting around the campsite laughing and drinking, the beer goggles must have gave my girlfriend the eyes of an eagle.  Far across on the other side of the park was a tent that read "Psychic Readings."  We all saw her eyes light up.  Her sister begged her not to go as she knew psychics wouldn't always tell you something positive.  Her sister didn't want the family outing ruined. I guess her sister was the real psychic because that's exactly what would shortly happen.

As she made her way toward the tent, I sat in suspense waiting.  A feeling of anxious curiosity welled up in my stomach.  After what felt like 2 hours, she made her way out of the tent.  As her silhouette grew closer, I could see her eyes were bloodshot red.  I asked her how it went.  She hit me in the chest.  She proceeded to yell at me, asking me "who the fuck was she talking about?" Puzzled, I tried asking her what she meant.  The psychic told her I was cheating on her and we wouldn't be together much longer.  I wasn't, I've never cheated on anyone.  Although the psychic was correct about a few things.  The psychic accurately predicted we wouldn't stay together (no thanks to her) and foresaw that my girlfriend wouldn't be working her current job the distant future (she went on to become a hairstylist).  Her sister also accurately predicted the family outing would be ruined.  Man, that was a long, awkward drive home!

Anyway...on to the review!!!

Upon first bite, I get the tangy sharp bite of cheddar with a mellow, under note of a very slight essence of hoppiness familiar in most beers.  The cheddar is the headliner of this chip, They taste like an extra tangy regular cheddar chip.  Pretty good, but nothing special.

3 outta 5 on the Chip Mack scale

Play wrestling is a part of a normal, healthy relationship.  It's fun. Cute.  Playful.  Usually romantic.  Unless you're 19 years old and have the burning desire to win at all costs.

It all started so innocently.  My girlfriend put me in a playful headlock.  I laughed and explained to her how she didn't want this smoke.  Her being a college athlete at the time and super competitive, squeezed harder.  Me being hella competitive as well and growing up watching hours of Koko B. Ware suplexing wrestlers on their heads prepared me to more than hold my own in this impromptu match of speed and stamina vs brute strength and technique.

I reversed position from her vice-like headlock.  She jumped over me.  I grabbed her, but she was able to free herself and take my back.  I struggled, but managed to flip her off of me.  I went for the pin, but she wrapped her legs around my head and squeezed.  I squirmed.  I flailed my arms. The pressure had me seeing stars.  I thought I was out for the count...until with my last bit of remaining strength grabbed her ankle, removed it from my neck, and swung her onto the couch.  I attempted the pin again, but she was too fast...too cunning.  Riki Tiki Tavi over here then put me in a bulldog front headlock. No way could I let her win.  I've watched too many WWF matches on t.v.  I picked her up, executed a text book northern lights suplex (on the couch cushions), and finished her off with an inside cradle.  Your boy pulled off the victory by the slimmest of margins!

My girlfriend was not a gracious loser.  Dejectedly, she called me a jerk and said she was gonna tell her Father on me.  I knew her Dad didn't really like me because he still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend.  I told her in my best Hulk Hogan voice "Look here, brother.  Your dad, his dad, your neighbors dad, Crawdad...they can all take a ride on the Collins express anytime they want!  But it's a one-way ticket, brother!"

She didn't like that. 

Oh well...on to the review!

Upon first bite...I taste that beautifully executed vinegary dill pickle flavor cradled by that unmistakable spicy savory flamin' hot heat that made Cheetos so popular.  These are very simple, but amazing!  My new favorite flavor at the moment.
 
5 outta 5 on the Chip Mack scale