Oh yes, the phrase that brings butterflies to my stomach because I've heard it too many times before. Hey dog, you need to check your girl! I used to have a penchant for loud mouthed ("feisty") broads. They would bring a certain excitement to my life. Besides, I was impervious to most of their bitchery. My verbally reckless female companions would soon learn that Todd didn't play that shit, so eventually they learned not to cross the line with me. I'd never get violent, that was never even an option due to my pacifistic nature and growing up with two little sisters. I'd simply just out crazy them. Trust me, that was a sight to behold! I deserve a few Oscars for those performances.

All of my fighting crazy with crazy didn't stop them from unleashing their fury on other people. Especially other dudes. Especially other dudes WAY bigger than me.

I once went to a club with my girlfriend that had 5 too many lemon drops. Lemon drop martinis had the same effect on her as gamma radiation had on David Banner...catastrophe and destruction was soon to follow. She felt it in her duty to go up to a group of guys and tell them how corny they were dancing. They were crip walking. Legitimately crip walking, not "c" walking . There's a difference. She was a genius. 

A dude saw me coming and yelled "Hey... you need to check yo girl. For real cuz." Checking commenced immediately and we got the fuck out of there. Unscathed.

She actually mouthed off to a "cop" in Mexico on a 10 speed with a glock on his hip. Yelling at him in Spanish! He tried to shake me down for $300 for talking on my cell phone while driving. I don't know what he said to me in Spanish as she was going ape shit but I'm sure it was along the lines of "checking my girl." I checked her all the way to the border. That broad gave me an asthma attack. Amazingly, the "cop" caught up to us before crossing and gave me my money back. He must've thought she was somebody important's daughter they way she yelled at him in his native language. Sometimes "feisty" broads can come in handy.

Anyway...these chips were somewhat of a let down.  Upon first bite, I get a strong vinegary peppery flavor with no heat and very little ranch flavor. I had high hopes because I enjoyed the Pringles buffalo flavor so much. These are good, but not as consistently balanced flavor wise. A good chip, but could've been much better. 3 outta 5 on the chipmack scale.

The year was 1994. It was the fall of my Senior year in high school.  This year would go down in infamy as the year a young Chipmack would get played by who would become his arch ememy...the Cheeseburger Pimp.

After a typical high school day of eating flaming hot cheetos and turning down a few hyna's invitations to "scam,"  me and my cronies would head down the McDonald's up the street.  Famished, and with only two dollars and a few nickels and dimes in my Raiders starter jacket, I had just enough to get two McDonald's cheeseburgers.  When you're starving from only eating a bag of hot cheetos and drinking two grape Snapples the whole day, two hot punk-ass McDonald's cheeseburgers might as well be a porterhouse steak from Mastro's. I was looking forward to sinking my teeth into them to say the least.

The visor wearing big tittied girl behind the counter calls my number.  I anxiously but smoothly as a young Billy Dee Williams grab the tray and head back to the booth to reconnect with my jnco jean wearing associates. I open the first wrapper...FUCK! To my horror it was just two buns and melted cheese! I open the second wrapper to the same emotionally draining revelation of meatless malady.  I was pissed. Hurt. Filled with rage.

I walk up to the counter and I see him. Laughing. A dude that I had no love for and that had no love for me. High school beef was real. He played me. Played me hard. I refused to order another cheeseburger in fear that he'd rub his nuts on the patty...or worse...rub his nuts on the patty AND the bun. Going to the manager also wasn't an option because I wasn't then nor am I now "bitch-made." I took that loss. But I have never forgotten. I never will.

Anyway....these Stax cheeseburger flavored chips are aiiight.  Upon first bite, I get a pickly cheesey mustardy oniony taste with a mellow undertone of something that I guess can be described as "meaty."  These remind me EXACTLY of McDonald's cheeseburgers.  Not bad, not great, but definitely snackable. 3 outta 5 on the chipmack scale.