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We Be Clubbin'

5/19/2015

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Anything to impress a girl you're interested in. Even if that means going to a gay club...in SAN FRANCISCO!

The girl that would eventually become my ex-girlfriend invited me to accompany her on a business trip to San Francisco after two months of dating. She also invited her gay friend "Jim," or as my future ex-girlfriend called him, her "sassy" friend.

Her sassy friend Jim was celebrating a birthday that weekend. Unbeknownst to me, the plans that night were to go to the hottest gay club in a city known for it's gay population.

Once we arrived, I realized immediately we were at a male friendly club because not only was everybody in line male (not unusual for any club), but the door man was a hairy, bare chested, bald headed, mustachioed man in leather pants. Not stereotyping, but something just screamed "gay club" to me.  I wasn't wrong by a long shot!

Walking into the club, I was a little on guard. I'd never been to an all male club where all the guys were interested in each other.  I'm not judgemental nor do I have a problem or ill will toward the LGBT community. Every human deserves respect. That being said, I was still nervous as hell once I went to the restroom and noticed the walls were made of transparent glass! I can say I pee'd in an invisible restroom in front of hundreds of gay men...in San Francisco. Shy bladder? Apparently not!

By nature, I'm very inquisitive. I like to learn about and experience different cultures and ways of life. After a few (5) drinks and a couple (4) of shots I loosened up a bit, and loosened the tremendously powerful headlock I had had around my future ex-girlfriend's arm. I actually started to have an amazing time!

I gotta say gay dudes in their own safe environment know how to have a good time! I danced with my future ex-girlfriend the whole time to some of the best music I've ever heard in a club without worrying about my eyes wandering, politely turned down several offers to have drinks bought for me, and realized the difference between a "what's up" head nod and a "whaaat's uuuup" head nod between dudes are surprisingly similar...much to my chagrin.

All in all the night was memorable and I had a newfound respect and understanding for those with a different lifestyle other than my own. I got super drunk,  met some really good people, made out with the hottest and ONLY girl in the club, and got my ass slapped anonymously...karma from my dunken hands at college parties in my youth...can't be mad at that!

Anyway...these are the best healthy alternative chips I've had in a long time! These are delicious! Made from kale, sweet potatoes, and other vegetables but without that stale bland "healthy taste." The flavor is korean bbq,  but upon first bite I get a sweet-spicy-smokey flavor with just a hint of sweet potato aftertaste. It works! These are low in fat/carbs and is a great option for your cheat day or that occasional need for something salty and crunchy when dieting. 4 outta 5 on the chip mack scale.
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My Worst Job Ever

5/18/2015

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I've had a few punk ass jobs. One of, if not THE worst job I ever had was when I worked at the downtown Riverside public library when I was 16. It freakin' sucked!

After school Monday through Thursday and the occassional Saturday, I'd work the longest 4 hours I'd ever work in life. My days consisted of doing all the shit librarians didn't, which was basically everything. Organizing entire sections of the library, checking in returned books, putting books on the shelves back in alphabetical order...wack shit. The absolute worse thing the weirdo librarians had me do was kick out the homeless people that would often go upstairs to read a book but would actually be napping. Most of the homeless were good people and never caused any disturbances. Usually they would go upstairs to a nice air conditioned reading cubicle in the corner and inconspicuously sleep. I never had the heart to kick any of them out.

The libriarians were the actual menace. One of the other library pages (my official title) caught one jacking off in the film room. Dude was never fired! After that incident I always called him "the jack of all trades." He never liked that very much. Buster ass weirdo.

My employment finally came to an end when I caught a cold and called off one Saturday. When I nonchalantly returned 3 weeks later, the creepy librarians ambushed me. The head weirdo called me into her office and handed me a letter without saying a word. Inside was my first pink slip. I knew the librarians were introverted non confrontational people, so I took this opportunity to give one of my best acting performance of all time! It was reminiscent of Denzel Washington's "King Kong aint got shit on me" soliloquy years before Training Day was released. I was inches away from throwing something just to further freak her out. I wasn't even mad! I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to freak out one of the strange librarians one last time. One of my proudest moments began with an intense "Oh so y'all trying to fire me" and ended with a menacingly smooth "you can't fire me 'cause I quit!" It's still a warm memory for me.

Anyway, these chips are WACK!  See the marvelous red color? Well, it's strictly decoration because these chips have an extremely subdued flavor. You barely taste the the red pepper or any other flavor that's advertised. Good tortilla chip with that excellent Tostito texture, but why even bother to flavor them with barely detectable ingredients? 2.5 outta 5 on the chipmack scale.
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