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"I'm Safe..."

8/12/2020

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One night during the holidays; me, my cousin Ryan, and my Dad were at my Uncle's house drinking spiked eggnog (those that know me know how I feel about Costco Eggnog) and reminiscing about the days we all lived in the apartment complex my Grandpa owned. 

​Those were some good times!

I left my Uncle's house to head back home about 10 minutes before my Dad.  As I pulled into the garage, I hear a car screech around the corner then see it proceed to hit a speed bump at about 70 mph...launching it into the air.  It was my Dad.  

My first thought was "Damn, Cliff must really need to pee."  Until seconds later when I saw the flashing red and blue lights right behind him. As soon as I saw the cops, I opened the car door, but stayed inside the car as not to be mistaken for a suspect.

My Dad pulls in the driveway and the cops immediately pull behind him to block him in.  My dad jumps out of his car, the cops follow.  They all run circles around his car chasing him like the most absurd game of duck-duck-goose I have ever seen.  One of the cops yelled out "SIR!  WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THIS RIGHT NOW!"  Clifford responded with "I'M SAFE!!! I'M SAFE!!! I'M IN MY DRIVEWAY! Y'ALL CAN'T GET ME!"

I'm staying out of this shit.  I entertainingly watch in disbelief, waiting for guns to be drawn and figuring out how to avoid getting caught in the cross-fire.  It never happens. The cops apprehend my Dad without incident or excessive force.

Once my Father is secured in the back of the cop car, the police walk over to me asking my relationship to the suspect. I tell them he's my Father.  "What the fuck happened?" I asked the police.  "Well, we were parked and we saw your father speeding, flying over speed bumps. We didn't know if he was in trouble or what was going on so we followed him."  Turns out my Dad saw the police car, overreacted, and tried to get away as he thought they would pull him over.  Overreacted is the understatement of the decade.

A few months later, I go to visit my dad in jail.  It's the first time we've seen each other since that night.  My dad still looks pissed.  I pick up the phone to speak to him through the glass. "Hey Dad...how's everything?" He looks at me, takes a deep breath and replies "Son, why didn't you save me?" I say back to him "Save you??? What did you want me to do?"  Without missing a beat he says "Why didn't you use some of that Kung Fu shit."

He was serious.

Anyway...ON TO THE REVIEW!

Upon first bite, I get an amalgamation of flavors all at once.  Immediately the flavors begin to separate.  I taste onion (grilled onion to be specific), meat flavoring, and american cheese.  I'm always amazed at how well Lays re-creates flavors of food items on one potato chip.  The more I eat, the more the flavors become blurred together. I like them.  These chips would go great crushed inside a turkey sandwich with mayo, lettuce, and tomato.  On their own they're just a decent ship.  

3 outta 5 on the Chip Mack scale.





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